thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
