Kiss
Puke
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
