shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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