I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
