my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize