I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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