My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
