i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
