I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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