My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
