i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
