I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
