Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
