I just saw a hot homeless man
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
