I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize