This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
