This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
