So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize