Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
