She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
