she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
