We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
