i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
where am i from again
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
