i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
