Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
