I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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