I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
