I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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