When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
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