Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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