I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
