Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Randomize
