I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
