If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize