Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
