he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
