shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
