just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
