I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
