I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
