Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
