Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
