I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
