I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
