I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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