sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
