the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
