it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize