I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
