im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize