If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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