I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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