I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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