Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
