I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
