So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize