I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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