So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
