He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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