i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
