the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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