TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
