Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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