I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
