If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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