My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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