Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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