At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
