Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
