Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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