Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
