K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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