your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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