Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
