I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
