the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
