didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
