she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
me + whiskey = a bad person
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize