i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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