He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
