I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
