How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
