And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
