Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
