It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
