Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize