my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
