I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize