Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
