Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize